he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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