Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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