bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
