he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
