Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.