I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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