new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
