is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
