I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
50% drunk capacity currently
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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