I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
