Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
