I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
