Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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