I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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