: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
