Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
