Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
