please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
