Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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