He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
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Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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