guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
