ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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