we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU