forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
