I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success