You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!