Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.