And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?