My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
