At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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