Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper

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(416): View more from Toronto

the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night

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(641): View more from Iowa

yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.

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(914): View more from New York

I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(770): View more from Georgia

you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.

(678): View more from Georgia

THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

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(260): View more from Indiana

Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea

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(602): View more from Arizona

I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?

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