I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial