No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
