So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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