Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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