tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
