yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
