I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
