He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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