is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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