I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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