it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
