is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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