im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
