i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
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I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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