Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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