She announced her abortion via fbk
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.