Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
