I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!