so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover