youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life