Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.