FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!