oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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