you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize