he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
