My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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