Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
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I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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