You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
