I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
