i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize