I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
