That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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