I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
