Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
