"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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