How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
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I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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