I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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