shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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