party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
