I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
