i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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